you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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