I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Less talking, more tequila
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
