giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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