I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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