Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
