Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
