I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
