kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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