she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
