walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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