No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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