I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
If that was your dad, he is hot
Duck Duck Cougar?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
