my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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