I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
