loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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