We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Everclear isn't food dammit
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
