U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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