Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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