he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
