Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
