This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Randomize
