Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
