my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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