I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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