The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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