This is not my ceiling
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
