i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
home. puking in laundry basket.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
