Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
