Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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