Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
