remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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