I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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