You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
