You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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