your thong is hanging out like whoa
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
