i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
