At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I wish there were birth control emojis
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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