K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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