I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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