Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize