You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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