best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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