HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Randomize