cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
