Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
