could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
