Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
