That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
