I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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