So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
