Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
