On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
