Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
