omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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