Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
