Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
