He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
