so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
my poor anus
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I am mentally ready for anal.
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