Im at strip club and am horny
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
