I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
