Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
