you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
