so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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