Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Randomize
