Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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