my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
