gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
