i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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