so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
