Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
