I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
