he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize